If you’re here, you’re looking for more.

More freedom, more understanding, more of a sense of who you are.

Welcome! I’m so glad you’re here.

In the interest of saving both of us time I will get right to the point.

In this article (mini workshop, if you will) you’ll find:

• An opening reading

• An initial journal prompt to drop in

• A guided meditation to tap into your guidance and find your way forward

• A second journal prompt to reflect and document the process, so you can always refer back.

People come to me, saying things like:

I know what I want to do, but I have no idea where to start.

I feel like there are so many options but I have no idea which one is right.

I don’t even know where to start looking to figure out what I do want.

If any version of this feels familiar, then I wrote this for you.

Welcome to my 3 step process.

As visionaries, our dreams often feel so massive and far fetched, we have to find a way to bring them down to earth, to ground them in reality, so we can make them happen.

You have so many ideas, you’re excited for so many things. Or maybe the well has run dry and you’re floating in a muddy pond with no idea which way to swim.

First of all, the muddy pond is a place we’ve all been, and one we’ll all inevitably visit again. Getting comfortable in the unknown is a part of life we’d often rather skip, but alas, is unavoidable.

So instead of avoiding the discomfort, how can we burrow deeper into it, like a seed into soil, knowing the darkness is the place from which we grow?

Step 1: Journal to Clear The Pipes

Grab your journal, pick up your favorite pen, and get ready to write.

Set a timer for 15 minutes. You can write as long as you want. I offer 15 minutes to make sure you give yourself enough time to really drop in.

Here’s a lovely 15 minute timer with music and nature vibes on Youtube.

We’re going to start your journal with the statement most prominent to you. What’s been on repeat most in your mind lately?

I am stuck in the mud…

I don’t know what to do…

I’m so confused…

I have no motivation…

Where are you? What are you worried about? What is making you feel stuck? If you could do anything tomorrow what would it be? What do you secretly want to be doing?

Begin writing with the statement that feels the most potent for you now, then keep writing on stream of consciousness until your timer goes off.

Whatever wants to come out, let it.

Clear the pipes.

Come back when you’re done.

Step 2: Guided Meditation for Finding Direction

Get comfy, it’s time to meditate.

I always encourage people to meditate in the way that works for them. Sitting up, laying down, on a walk, while washing the dishes. Not everybody focuses best when still, so trust what your intuition is telling you.

I only request that you do what will allow you to focus deeply during the meditation with minimal distractions.

Press play when you’re ready:

Part 3: Journal to Reflect and Review

Welcome back! Let’s return to your journal.

1. What did the state of the first body of water have to do with the current state of your reality?

2. What did you learn from the river of obligation?

3. What did you learn from the river of worst case scenario?

4. How did you feel when you stepped into the center river, your true way forward? What images, messages, or insights came from it? What do you want to remember most going forward?

Write down anything and everything that feels important, and know that this work is cumulative. If you’re just starting, allow it time to settle in. Pay attention in the coming hours and days for any messages or moments of understanding that come your way.

Feel free to return to this process any time you want deeper understanding, fresh perspective, or are ready for another direction pivot.

Final Notes

Let me know how this process went for you! I genuinely would love to hear if you did the meditation and journaling and if so, what you learned from it?

What else are you interested in? It’s my goal to make more of these types of guided posts. Everyone should have access to these kinds of resources.

Thanks for being here, and blessings on your travels, soul searcher!

Love,

Julia Mae

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*Want to work 1 on 1? Book a session and we’ll go deeper into what makes you move.

Leave a comment

Welcome to what comes next.

You. Are. Ready!

Cue Waiting on a Miracle from Encanto.

First of all, I’m so proud of you for wanting more.

That desire is how we grow, how we create things that have never existed, how we meet parts of ourselves we have never known.

I don’t care to spend words and time pre-ambling about this kind of stuff. So if you don’t mind, we’re going to jump right in to this whole miracle making business.

be my miracle (aka buy me a coffee)

5 Steps to Becoming a Miracle Magnet

Breathe deep, love.

1. Make a dedicated commitment to being the activating force.

Your life won’t happen for you, it happens because of you. Every situation you exist in is the product of your beliefs and actions, created by your conditioning (aka upbringing, relationships, parents, etc.)

But guess what… You’re a grown human with agency! If you’re unhappy with your life, you have every ability to make a change.

Everything you dream of is possible, and your dream becomes inevitable when when you

a) believe deeply in it and

b) take action to make it reality.

You have to be the one to decide your life is going to change. Say it, mean it, and open yourself to the changes that are bound to come in as a direct result.

Say this out loud, write it down, tell it to the sky and the trees and the earth:

“I promise to consciously make the changes I want to see in my life. I promise to listen to my inner voices, and follow through on what I know is right for me.”

2. Disrupt your loops.

You will live in the same familiar cycles until you interrupt them and make new choices that align with who you want to be.

When you disrupt the patterns you’ve always lived in, you crack open a way for miracles to find you. You open the door to new opportunities because you’ve refused the call of what is known and expected.

If you want things to change you have to create the momentum of change.

As humans, we usually identify ourselves with what we do every day and how we do it.

“I’m a busy person.”

“I’m always exhausted.”

“I’m just not very good at resting.”

“I’m a homebody, but I want more friends.”

“I’m not the kind of person to _____.”

→ Claiming our identity through our habits and the words we use to talk about those habits.

For radical change to happen, you have to start viewing yourself in a new way.

How do we do this? Shake up your routine, try something completely different. Go to a part of town you’ve never been to before. Open yourself to the world. Disrupt your norm and put yourself in a situation that asks you to navigate the unknown.

Examples:

• Always get your coffee from the same place? Go somewhere new this week on the other side of town.

• Do you tend to wear black or neutral tones. Try wearing red for a week and see what it does to your perception of self.

• Do you come home from work every day and scroll? Try getting off work and immediately driving somewhere to watch the sunset.

• Eat something completely new for dinner and talk about the flavors with your family.

• Play music you’ve never listened to and figure out a funky way to dance to it.

Actively disrupt the patterns you wish to change, and replace them immediately with something new. Shock your system out of believing your reality is the only way to exist.

The advanced version of this is solo travel.

I cannot recommend enough solo travel for someone who truly wants to become the most expanded version of yourself. Being in new environments, with unknown cultures and absolutely no one who knows you, you find versions of yourself you didn’t even know existed! This opening of identity and lack of expectations naturally creates the perfect opportunity for miracles to appear.

Break the monotony, look up from your usual path, and see what else might be there.

And while your at it…

3. Actively practice wonder and gratitude for what is already there.

Adopt the eyes of a child, or someone who has never experienced the world before, and watch the world immediately fill with miracles.

Try this:

Pretend you’ve never seen a cloud before.

Really and truly look at a cloud as if it’s the most mystical, mysterious white thing floating in the sky, with it’s curious shape and the shade it casts on the earth. Allow it to surprise you!

Then look at the ground, and imagine the Earth in its entirety. Can you even comprehend how big it is? The enormity of the thing you currently stand on?

Then look at your shoes. Someone made those.

And the screen you currently read this on? A million and one things had to happen for this device to be created, for the internet to exist, for this website to exist, for my fingers to write this article, and for you to somehow find your way here to read it.

Miracle after miracle after miracle brought us from stone and wood tools to technology that allows us this moment right here.

Gratitude is the most immediate way to shift into the frequency of miracles.

Your task:

Spend a day saying, “wow” to all the things in your life that bring you joy, comfort, and pleasure. Literally say it out loud as many times as you can. Add in a “thank you” and you are in the active and beautiful practice of wonder and gratitude.

It’s so fun to live this way.

To live in a state of delight at the world around you.

Give yourself this gift.

4. Create miracles for others.

What you pour into the world is what the world will pour back to you, multiplied.

Become the source of miracles in other people’s lives, even if they’re small. Become a blessing to those around you and watch the blessings pour in for you, too.

Fun examples of being the miracle you wish to see in the world:

• Gift something you have to someone who mentions they need it. A friend said she wanted to buy a deck of tarot cards, I grabbed the one I rarely used, tuned into my intuition to make sure it felt right, and gifted it to her. Her smile!

• Tell someone how much you love their energy or vibe or smile, something personal and meaningful to them, and mean it with every word. You never know when someone needs a boost.

• Cook a meal for a friend who’s going through it. Leave it at their door without requiring anything, even socializing, in return. The simple act of offering relief is a huge miracle for someone on the struggle bus.

• Do you ever think of someone randomly? Send them a text! Call them! Tell them you are thinking about them, that you’re proud of them, and that you love them. Again, you never know when that person might need a boost and you happened to get an intuitive hit about it. Don’t ignore it.

Being the source of miracles for others will turn you into the greatest source of miracles for yourself!

5. Carve out new proof loops.

One of my favorite practices I use when I’m building a new core belief is proof looping: grabbing on to the things in life that prove what you believe is true.

We unconsciously validate our negative beliefs all the time:

Nothing ever works out for me.

Of course this would happen to me.

I’m just not a lucky person.

We don’t even know we’re doing it! We’re so used to the beliefs that keep us limited we don’t realize we are playing an active part in keeping them true.

Once we realize this, we can consciously shift our attention away from what no longer serves us and choose new, expansive values to build belief in.

How do we do this?

Get your journal!

Journal Prompt:

Start a practice of writing your nightly proof loop. Write down the miracles that happened for you every day. Small, big, micro, massive - start to build proof to your subconscious that miracles are all around. That good things happen to you every day. Each night, before bed, write down as many good things as you can remember. Then take some time to celebrate them! And finally, add a dollop of gratitude for the beautiful life you live before going to sleep.

Final thoughts on miracle making…

This work is not quick. It’s not simple and overnight. It’s cumulative. It builds. You’ll find yourself returning over and over again to these practices as your spiral of growth returns to the same lessons from new perspectives. This is the great blessing of this journey! Don’t give up if you don’t see immediate results.

Good things take time:

If your life is a garden, who do you think the gardener is?

If your life is a fire, who is tending to the flame?

Your life is yours to create however you want. And if it’s not how you want it to be… then change it.

You are responsible for the garden of your life in every way: the health of the soil, the seeds that are planted, the keeping and care of what grows. If your soil is dry, find ways to nurture it. If your garden is overgrown with weeds, figure out what in your life needs to go and pull that shit up by the roots. If your garden is empty dirt, what do you love? What colors, scents, and shapes do you want to fill your life?

Plant your seeds.

You have this time, and this time only.

Be the reason future you looks back and says, wow, I really lived, didn’t I?

Happy miracle making, lovers.

Love,

Julia Mae

Looking for guidance in finding a sense of purpose and direction? Let’s chat.

Book a 1hr intuitive session

be my miracle (buy me a coffee)

Dear Voyager,

Are you ready to get mystical?

Good! Because I have some pretty big questions I’d like to discuss. Such as:

Who am I when I decide I no longer want to be who I’ve already been?

How do I become a version of me that already exists, somewhere, somewhen, but I’ve never been that person before? And is that person already inside me?

In all the versions of reality, which one is it that fulfills me the most?

Okay let’s just take a moment…

I’m sitting in the cafe of Hotel Figueroa in Downtown LA, drinking tea, reading, writing, considering who exactly I want to become. Dreaming of the day I can afford to stay here as a guest, not just walk in from the street and sit in the lobby.

But what is the difference between the version of me who sits in this lobby as a guest and the version of me who sits here now?

Is it income?

Is it belief?

Is it simply the inner decision that I deserve to sit here, to take up space at this hotel bar?

Do I feel like, if I had the money to pay for drinks and dinner here without looking at my bank balance or wondering if this is a smart way to spend my money, I would somehow be more worthy of the food that came my way, or the tiny jar of honey that came with my tea?

Do I feel like the workers would treat me any different?

Do I think they should treat me any different?

Ah, there it is. It always comes back to what I believe doesn’t it?

Does the man in room 421 who just ordered a vodka soda with lime deserve to sit at this bar more than me? Or does the fact that this man (who can clearly afford to stay here) just got his drink for free - because the system blacked out and the bar tender said, “don’t worry about it man, I got this one,” - mean that money really and truly doesn’t mean shit about worthiness or deservingness in the end?

The dream is to become the version of myself who can afford to stay here.

The dream is to spend my time in the lobby or cafe or bar or poolside writing, reading, lounging.

The dream is… just a slightly altered version of what I’m doing. Right now.

So what’s the difference? What is between this moment, and that moment?

What is in between the me here now, and the me here then?

The easy answer is money. Sure, if I had a lot of money, the answer would be crystal clear. But I don’t have that money now.

So the question is, what version of me has that money?

Here’s the fun part: there are so many versions of me that have that money.

I could marry rich.

I could win the lottery.

I could do whatever it is you do with bitcoin.

I could become a sugar baby to some rich old man who is lonely.

I could get a high paying corporate job [bleh]

I could become a founder.

I could follow my passions.

I could live so deeply in my bliss, and trust, and creativity that my reality has no choice but to reflect my dream life back to me in all the ways I’ve envisioned and more.

Here’s where the mystery of free will comes into play.

I have no real control over what happens in my life. Any of those things I listed could happen for me. Out of the blue, a scratcher bought on a whim could make me a millionaire. Or I could fall deeply madly in love with someone who just happens to be filthy rich. I could write the book that’s been waiting in my soul and become a bestselling author. I could found a company that helps women create the life of their dreams and grosses millions every year through the transformations offered and the community built together.

It’s not about which version of reality I “call into being.”

It’s about which version of me I actively choose to embody, and the decisions I make from that place of embodiment.

The version of me who gets a high paying corporate job is a very, very different version than the one who founds a multi-million dollar company.

So at the end of the day I ask myself: which version do I want to become? And which version am I willing to step into now?

I’m in the process of writing another post about how to figure out what that vision is. To find a sense of direction when you feel lost or overwhelmed or stuck.

I’d love to hear from you: what are you curious about? What about this conversation makes you want to know more? What is your experience with this idea of quantum leap, embodiment, and shifting?

Most importantly: tell me your vision. Describe it to me in detail. Make it feel real.

Let us in so we can all share the joy of cheering on your vision.

I love you, with all my heart.

Love,

Julia Mae

Post Preview: I’m preparing to leave my home and travel indefinitely. I share my biggest fear voices, and how I respond to them, ease them, and move forward from joy instead of fear as I follow my dreams.

Dear Traveler,

I’ve moved five times in the last five years, and here I am preparing to move again, this time abroad, to an unknown final destination. All I know is that I’m setting off on a pilgrimage to find out what I need to learn, where I need to be, and what version of me is waiting out there in the world.

I wonder sometimes if I will ever be able to settle somewhere long term. I get bored after about 2 years and feel ready to move on.

Is this just because of my youth? Or is it my Manifesting Generator/Aries Rising/ Gemini placements-filled Self and I’ll always be this way.

Then I ask myself, what’s wrong with being this way?

What’s wrong with being someone who thirsts for travel and the movement of life and the movement of Self that comes with it?

I’m 23. I’ve lived in LA for a year and a half, and in two months I’m boarding a one way flight to Europe.

Am I crazy? Is the question that keeps popping up in my mind as I contemplate these next months, years…?

And the voice that responds is: wouldn’t you rather be crazy and go, than be safe and stay?

So I breathe deep and I take another step towards the life that calls to me on the other side of that flight.

Buy me a coffee

How does one prepare to travel full time?

Since I’m figuring it out as I go, I figured I’d share what I’m learning for those who might someday want to do the same.

I have a master list of things I need to do before I can leave. Things like: put my things in storage, sell my car, get travel insurance. And maybe I will do another post on those practical things once I know the extent of what that all means.

But right now I want to talk about what it’s like internally to make the decision to leave everything you know behind on the path of some mysterious future you can feel the truth of, but might not be able to describe to people.

It’s important to let the fear voices be heard.

Something I do often in my day to day process of living and growing, is hearing the voices of emotion that move through me, and allow my highest self/source/guidance to respond. I allow that force, that wisdom that is beyond my human self, to speak through me.

And today I’m allowing you a peak into what that looks like.

Below is a process I did, writing down all my fear voices and allowing the voice of unconditional love to respond.

Enjoy.

Dear World…

Am I abandoning?

Darling, the only thing you would be abandoning is yourself, if you didn’t listen to the voice telling you to go. And if you think others will feel that you are abandoning them, you aren’t giving them enough credit for their strength of Selves. You are a gift wherever you go, never think you need to deny your urge to spread your sparkles further. You are called. You must not abandon that call.

Is this smart?

My love, what does smart mean to you? Does smart mean safe? Does smart mean worrying? Does smart mean calculated or premeditated? Can smart mean following your heart, knowing it will guide you? What voice is telling you that smart is the only way to go? What if you ask yourself these questions instead: Is this courageous? Is this brave? Is this true? Is this what my heart desires? Is this where my purpose lies? These are the questions that will guide you. Allow them to show you the way.

Am I being selfish?

My dear, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for the forces in your life that have taught you that following your dreams could make you selfish in any way. Imagine the expansive life you will illuminate when you follow your path of light. The depth of love you can pour onto others when you are so full yourself, you overflow. How could the fulfillment of this bliss be selfish? How could the fulfilling of your dreams not be beacons of hope for others that they can do the same? When you doubt it, you feed the fear that keeps you stuck. When you choose faith and joy and purpose over fear, you free yourself. And my dear, do you know how many people you free in the process? You can’t even begin to comprehend the impact your bravery has on those who are ready for your light. In your human world, you call this energy selfish. We call it self-fulfilling. So if you need the language of permission my dear one, be selfish this time.

What if nothing comes of it?

Do you truly believe that? Do you truly believe that in any version of the future, your travels could amount to nothing? That following your curiosity won’t lead you to something beautiful? Ah yes, you worry that things won’t happen the way you want them to happen. Well sweet girl I have some news for you, it won’t. It never does! And you know this! So free yourself from the expectations that keep you fearful and the control that comes with it. What if it could be a thousand times better than in your imagination but you’re so focused on making it what you want it to be that you miss what it could be? What a shame it would be to miss out on that! Let go of what you hope will come of it, and allow it to become everything.

Can I leave my family like this?

Leave… Are you really leaving though? Sure, space and distance might expand between you, but my dear, you already believe that no one ever truly leaves. You have communicated with the dead quite clearly, you already know you are never alone. What makes you think your earthly family are any different? Just because the observation of time and space make you think you are separate, don’t let it trick you into believing so. Besides, you humans have built such systems of expediency and, may we say, magic, that time and distance can be crossed with ease. So no, my love, you are not leaving, you are not abandoning, and you are not selfish. Would you want a loved one to hold themself back for your sake? I know. I know. So don’t use those you love as an excuse to not go for it.

What if it’s all for nothing?

This weighs heavily, doesn’t it? Now it’s my turn to ask a question and I actually want you to answer it: What are you afraid of, in your worst of worse fears, what could you not stand to happen?

I go on a journey, I’m loud about it so everyone knows, I run out of money, I hit rock bottom, I have no choice but to come home, I live with my mom again, I get a job I hate, and I shrink back down to the size I once was. And everyone knows.

Ah. So this is about two things. Failure. And judgement. You are afraid of a public failure.

I guess so. But why, when you say it like that, does it not actually feel like that big a deal?

Because consciously you know that failure is a part of life, and that what others think about you doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. But there’s a version of you, deep inside, that fears for their safety should you fail, and should people know you failed. Speak to that voice, ask what they need, and take such beautiful care of that version of you that there’s no doubt of your safety, fail or succeed, private or public.

So I’m doing the right thing?

You are asking me something you already know, love. Tune in.

Thank you.

This tends to be how it ends when I speak to my Guidance. You already know the answers, go inside.

This mysterious, wise voice that answers my questions - Elizabeth Gilbert calls it Love, Julia Cameron calls it Guidance - is the source of the most clarity in my life.

Final Reflection

I’m going to be honest, this is not how I thought this post was going to go. I actually thought I was going to write about visas and packing and moving. But something about this feels so true, and as the Guidance told me, listen to and follow the truth. I must have the bravery to trust that it will guide me towards the fulfillment of purpose, of joy, of greatness.

How do you talk to your voices of fear? What do they teach you?

I learn, every single time, that there’s simply a part of me (a young, hurt child) that believes it is unsafe to go the way I want to go; to take the step or make the thing or buy the ticket.

And each time it comes back to showing that part of me that we’re safe. That this is good. And we can get excited, not scared of what’s coming next.

That’s the final part, I’d say.

To replace fear and doubt with gratitude and excitement.

So let’s finish with a little joy.

I am so excited to travel. I’m excited to sit in cafes around the world and write on my little Substack.

I am so excited to see all the places I’ve been dreaming about and meet the parts of me who are aching to be given the freedom to breathe.

I’m excited to learn more what it means to be a citizen of the world, and leave the bubble of the US.

And I’m so excited to create and share as I go.

Thanks for being here.

I love you.

Love,

Julia Mae

I write mainly in coffee shops. You too can keep this dream caffeinated.

Buy me a coffee

To the Chai Obsessed and Coffee Lovers,

Just a couple blocks from the convention center is a brand new coffee shop that definitely deserves a visit.

Overview:

Awesome Coffee, South Park, LA

Coffee: 5/5 espresso, but the chai!? 100/5 and then some, its literally the best chai I’ve had maybe ever…

Vibe: 4/5 tons of folks typing away on their computers, and being social! Made lots of new friends just by being friendly here. It can be a little loud, given that it’s downtown, but they have a second room that’s quieter for those who need to focus. (I like the bustling energy though.)

Parking: 3/5 despite the fact that it’s downtown LA, you actually can find street parking pretty easily as long as it’s not a super busy time of day. Mornings are best or evenings on weekdays (open till 9!)

Food: 5/5 they have all kinds of yummy cakes and pastries, and the food looks fantastic: lots of healthy options though the prices are pretty high, hey thats DTLA for you.

buy me a coffee!

I’m currently petsitting for a good friend of mine for two weeks in South Park, LA (near the convention center in DTLA) and luckily, this awesome little coffee spot is just a two block walk from the apartment!

I have to tell you about the chai…

My friend Susan and I came here once just to hang out and she got the chai. She took one sip and made this face that I can only describe as orgasmic.

“You have to try this chai.”

“Based off your face alone, I know I need to try that chai.”

It was incredible. I have come back at least 3 times since to get one.

It’s like a warm hug, perfect for the cozy seasons. The flavor is definitely a warm chai, rather than a spicy chai, which I prefer. It’s fluffy and creamy and absolutely to die for.

Do I have a photo? No. Phone did not eat first this time.

Okay Julia, enough about the chai, what about the shop?

The workers are SUPER sweet, I can tell people return here often since everyone seems to have some familiarity with each other. This is a very social part of town with lots of people bringing their dogs around (see miss Chloe in my photos!) as well as students and remote workers posting up to study or work at the tables.

Today I was welcomed back with a smile of recognition and a handshake by the owner who I’d met yesterday!

I LOVE that they are open late because it’s often hard to find spaces that are open and vibey enough to work in past 5pm. But you can catch people in here until 9pm working and reading and chillin.

Final thoughts:

Worth a visit if you’re in Downtown!

Love,

Julia Mae

fuel my coffee addiction here

I’m back in my hometown Santa Barbara, and for once I’m trying a new place!

Lighthouse Coffee on Haley Street, Santa Barbara, California

Coffee: 4/5 Tasty, but not mind blowing.

Parking: 3/5 Has a small parking lot and some street parking but its a busy little area of town, I got lucky.

Food: 4/5 I got the vegan empanada, it was tasty and the chimmichurry was SO GOOD. They have empanadas and some pastries to eat. Don’t come here looking for a full meal, but snacks to absorb the caffeine are available!

Vibes: 2/5 Only outdoor seating and its right on a road. But there are lots of plants so thats good.

There is SO much good coffee in SB.

We have 3 locations of Lighthouse Coffee in town and I’ve been to the other two. The coffee is usually fine, not mind-blowing but certainly good enough to come back!

Today I’m drinking an iced oat latte and eating their vegan empanada: tasty enough, and the chimichurri is yumyumyumyumyummmm!

I’m typing this as quick as I can because there are no outlets!

Only outdoor seating thats right on a relatively busy road.

Gotta say its not my favorite location for a sit and chill/work kind of vibe but for a coffee and an empanada, its great.

And while I give this particular location not my favorite rating, the other two locations are great! The one on Chapala (in downtown SB) is fantastic and a great place to meet friends or get some work done with a big garage door that opens the place up and lets in lots of light and fresh air.

Though I have to say if I’m in this part of town I’d probably rather go to Cajé across the street.

MMMMMMMMM Cajéeeeeeeee.

I’ll have to make it a point to visit soon so I can do a post on that. Sorry Lighthouse for mentioning another coffee shop… that feels sacrilegious.

What coffee shop should I check out next?

Love,

Julia Mae

Found another one on the California Central Coast!

I know it’s empty but that’s because I stayed till they close… Also I promise I will get better about taking pictures that aren’t crooked.

Banner Coffee, Arroyo Grande, CA

Coffee: 4/5 yummy but has that sour edge that’s not my favorite

Vibe: 5/5 open and bright and lots of other folks typing away on their laptops. Great for being motivated through parallel play!

Parking: 5/5 easy! parking lot around the side of the building.

Food: 2/5 they only have pastries and they didn’t look particularly wonderful.

buy me a coffee!

I count 7 other people working at their computers right now.

Banner is bright and open with plants and community style seating available both at tall tables and couch areas.

I love it!

This feels like a good place to go for a day of typey typey work.

I’m drinking their honey, cinnamon latte and its deliiiiiiicious.

It rained all morning and is still stormy outside so of course I went for a more cozy drink.

Last time I sat at this coffee shop, I was listening to feedback from a teacher of mine and she said:

Wherever you are, there you are.

Here I am!

And here I go.

Love,

Julia Mae

be the inspiration for the next post

I found us a good one!

The Breakdown:

Coffee: 5/5 Delicious AND they have seasonal drinks for each zodiac sign which is SO fun.

Vibe: 5/5 Impeccable. It’s a great location! There’s a bunch of different places to sit, and it seems like an old house converted into a coffee shop. There’s different rooms for different vibes: one has a fireplace, another has a lounge area, and the workers are always so friendly!

Parking: 5/5 Easy! They have their own parking lot around the back of the building.

Food: 3/5 Nothing too exciting but they have pastries and bagels and such. Come for the vibes, not a meal.

buy me a coffee!

First impression: this happy hippie girl’s dream!

Okay not technically first impression… I came here all the time during college. So it’s safe to say I love this place.

Whimsical decor, CBD balms and herbal joints for sale by the register, oracle cards and candles and crystals available for purchase, and astrological season inspired drink special.

Today I’m drinking their Aries season drink; a cold brew with vanilla, honey, a splash of half and half (I subbed oat milk) and I went without the spices sprinkled on top since I have to sing tonight and spicy things don’t agree with smooth sailing vocals.

Poetry comes to me at coffee shops, inspiration, peace, motivation.

So here I sit, typing away on my iPad with my little cold brew, my journal open to the financial budget I abandoned 5 minutes ago to start writing this instead. A room full of strangers all doing their own thing. Typing on a laptop, indulging in a library book, meeting up with friends (one of which has never been here but now must be “part of the tribe, right?”)

My heart is happy. My mind is full of all the options and opportunities and a little overwhelmed by it all. But here we go.

I’m challenging myself to start and let it be imperfect. Let the pictures not be aesthetically gorgeous, let my writing be simple if it wants to be.

What’s the point of doing this if it turns something I love into something I dread?

I’m confused day to day about why the fuck we are all here and what it all means (girl existential crisis shhhh) but one thing I know to be true is this:

To create or not to create, that is the question. And the answer is always to create.

Welcome to the inside of my brain.

Godspeed.

Love,

Julia Mae

fill my emotional support coffee fund

Have you tried this whole slow travel thing?

I’m exploring it more and more lately and I’m really learning to love it. After an insane travel experience trying to get from Paris to Florence, where three trains turned into eight trains and an overnight on a train in the station during an ice storm in Germany, I decided I liked the slow travel life a little more.

As a traveler, I tend to have zero interest in rushing around a city trying to see all the sites, museums, and historical monuments. I’m far more interested in what’s happening right now in the city, how its people are going about their days, and what life here feels like.

When I solo travel, I rarely go to the bigger tourist attractions. It’s only when I’m traveling with people that we go to the museums and landmarks and such. They are more fun to do with friends anyways!

What is slow travel?

Slow travel is the anti-capitalist way of traveling.

No, I’m serious!

Think about it: with regular travel energy you’re encouraged to maximize your time, hitting all the touristy spots and typically ignoring the actual flow and life of the place you are visiting… sound like a bad work life balance to me.

Not to mention it gets expensive.

Slow travel is taking public transportation, walking a lot, eating at local restaurants, speaking with the locals.

Slow travel is about respecting the place you’re visiting as an actual place people live and work and love, not just your next destination.

It’s taking the pressure off, reestablishing your expectations from accomplishing to experiencing, and yes, literally slowing down. Slow travel is a mindset, it’s an energy shift into intention, integrating into the speed, flow, and energy of the city or town. You can learn far more about Paris by sitting at a local cafe for a couple hours than by visiting the Eiffel Tower. Not to say the Eiffel Tower isn’t cool, of course it is! But as a slow traveler, my question is: how did you get there?

Can you slow travel even on short trips?

To me this is a two parter:

Yes, you can slow travel even if it’s a short trip! Slow travel is an energy, not a timeline.

The other part of the answer is, and. Yes, you can solo travel on a short trip, and you have to adjust your expectations of what the trip is going to be.

We’ll talk more about how you can slow travel when you only have a couple days later on.

I’m sure many travelers would say it doesn’t count as slow travel unless you are spending upwards of two weeks in one spot before moving on. To that, I reaffirm: slow travel is an energy and a state of mind, rather than a timeline or a schedule. Sometimes we don’t have the luxury of an entire month to explore a new city even though that’s what we’d like most of all! So how do we see and experience all we can without running ourselves down in the meantime?

Also check out my article on Vibe Travel vs Destination Travel for more one what it means to travel for the vibes.

How to slow travel when you’re short on time:

1. Assess your timing. Look at the amount of time you actually have to explore and ask your heart what would be the most fulfilling way to spend those days. Not what would check off the most bucket list items (unless that’s truly what you want) but what would have you getting on your flight home going, wow that was a great trip.

   

2. Decide what’s really important to you. Is there one or two places that you are really excited to see? Build your time around getting to see those places and really soaking up what they have to offer. Or do you love cafe culture (like me!) and want to spend a day coffee shop hopping? Is laying on the beach the most important thing to you? Or checking out new trails? The key here is intention and doing what will make you happy.

   

3. Plan 1 or 2 things to do/see each day. Don’t overwhelm yourself with too many things to check off a list. Slowing down allows a richness to unfold in your experience of travel that rushing from destination to destination rarely offers.

   

4. Leave room for wandering and following where the spark wants to lead you. I will often start at one end of an area I want to explore, then spend the day allowing my curiosity and intuition to lead me through the streets. I’ve found so many wonderful spots that I didn’t know existed because I followed the urge to turn left instead of right! Leave room for spontaneity, you never know where it may lead you.

   

Following your intuition:

I was in an hostel in East London with no idea where I was going to go the next night. So I sat myself down in the common room and opened my journal, determined to figure out what I wanted to do/go next, when a girl I’d met earlier sat down to chat. I had the urge to tell her that I need to focus and to please leave me be, but something in me said, close the journal, pay attention.

We ended up hitting it off so quickly, spending the entire next day together and having a fantastic time. I flew to Sweden three days later to stay with her at her apartment in Gothenburg for a week! We saw Wicked in Swedish, it was amazing! But I never would have gone to Sweden if I hadn’t listened to that voice telling me to be present, to stop worrying, to enjoy the moment in front of me.

Final thoughts…

At the end of the day, slow travel is an energy, not an itinerary. So, yes! You can slow travel with only a couple days. You get to decide what it means to you and how you go about it.

Which of these do you already do? And tell me where you’re going for your next trip — I’m excited for you!

Leave a comment

Love,

Julia Mae

Yeah. That.

A month ago I had this sensation in my body as I was driving home to my place in Echo Park. I’ve lived in LA for a year and a half now, a move I made knowing it was the right next thing, but not quite knowing why. I trusted the intuitive nudges and strings that were pulling me to move to Los Angeles, a place I never thought I’d live. Not much about the city is particularly appealing to me. But I knew I was supposed to be there for a specific reason.

That reason was people. I moved to LA knowing I would be immediately immersed in the community at an acting studio I was connected to through a teacher I’d already worked with who’d changed my life. I knew I needed to be in LA, to be a part of this community, to make connections with these people, my creative soul family. And even through the hardest moments of the last year and a half, when I’m sobbing on the phone to my Nana and she’s saying you know, it’s okay if you want to come home. I Knew so deeply, I am right where I need to be, I’m here for a reason.

So then it’s mid-november, and I’m chillin on the 101 headed home after a shift as a singing waiter at Miceli’s in Hollywood, and I suddenly realize… that feeling is gone. Like my roots that had desired to dig into the soil of this city had been silently and softly pulling back up, until there was nothing keeping me anchored here anymore. I remember thinking, wow. Whatever I am here for, I did it.

Like an energetic check mark on my soul’s journey. I remember some relief as well. I’ve been ready and excited for what’s next for a while.

The next week I had something go down in my house that, to put it simply, confirmed for me that I wouldn’t be re-signing my lease. The week after that, my acting community found out that our beloved teacher and studio owner had an affair with a student. Through the terrible handling of the situation on behalf of studio leadership, the studio crumbled and ceased to exist within a week and a half. Don’t worry, my people are all still connected. Those bonds don’t break easily.

So here I am, having felt that shift inside already, then my home and my creative home both stopped being sanctuaries, and nothing is holding me in LA anymore.

So, what now?

My Pinterest board has looked like this for 2 years -

- at least since I did my first solo trip through Europe for two months in late 2023 and absolutely fell in love with the travel lifestyle. I’ve since schemed and dreamed of the digital nomad lifestyle, of traveling around the world, writing, creating, and living in ultimate freedom.

“So are you done acting, then?”

Most of my people from the performing arts world ask me this when I tell them my plans.

No. I always say. Of course not.

One thing does not negate the other. We have such an all or nothing idea of what it means to be an actor. We are taught to believe that you must be all consumed by this one part of life. But I think we forget to truly live on the way to realizing those dreams.

I’d like to add a quick note here: part of my travels is scouting schools to get my MA, doing retreats and workshops, and deciding if I want to live in another city abroad. So yes, I’m traveling for the sake of traveling. But it so many ways, it’s also a pilgrimage towards what is next for me.

Living a grand life and traveling the world will only make me a better actor in the long run. And besides, it’s not only about that. It’s about living this life that I came to this planet to live. And the vision is so clear and exciting and truthful, I have to bring it into reality.

People who know me well see no surprise here. I think most people are just shocked I am actually doing it. See, a lot of people don’t have the courage to actually go out there and do the thing that makes their heart thrum and their soul burst.

That’s why I do it. Why I write and create and share. Because there are people before me who did and it inspired me to go after my own dream life. People who were brave enough to cut their own path. And so I’ll cut my own.

I have three months before launch. Three months to get my shit together, and prepare to leave the country. Should I do a TikTok series about it? That could be fun. Either way I will try to document along the way.

What’s most important to me is that I remain connected to a sense of purpose as I travel. Whether that purpose is connection, joy, learning, slowing down, creating, or simply existing, I know that I can always return home to my Self.

On April 22nd I will take a flight to Italy. I don’t yet know what comes after that, but I am willing to find out in time, as I move along this path.

Love,

Julia Mae

If you’re one for the journey rather than the destination (like me), you probably prefer to go deeper in your travels than the tourist attractions would allow. We like to feel a place, not just see it. There’s something about seeing a new place slowly, and with intention that makes the whole experience so much more vibrant and tasty!

Here are my tried and true practices for experiencing the vibe of a new place without feeling like a total tourist. Let me know what I missed!

1. Walk instead of taking transport to a destination that’s a little further away.

Hear me out: a 15 minute train ride could be a 2 hour walk, depending on the layout of the city you’re visiting. Those 2 hours, taken slowly, given all day to explore along the way, will reveal so much about the culture and people of a place. My first night in London, I walked from my hostel in Notting Hill to Soho to see a show in the West End. I remember more about that walk than I do about the show I saw. Walking allows you to be incredibly present and to see more than you would sitting in a car or on a train.

Pro tip: put the destination in your maps, put your headphones in, and put your phone in your pocket. Allow the voice to guide you as you go instead of looking at your phone the whole time. First of all this allows you to be more present to the walk and second, you don’t look like such a tourist. There’s nothing wrong with being a tourist (I feel like I’m being a little mean to the idea of tourism) but the reason people don’t like tourists is because the energy tends to be more observing as an outsider, not integrating into the flow of a place as a visitor

2. Sit at a local cafe and people watch with a book or a journal.

If you’ve read a single thing from me, ever, you know I love cafe culture. I am sitting at a cafe right now, Dart Coffee in Carpinteria, CA, a very cute spot! So I will always recommend finding a cafe, sitting down with something to drink and something to do, and watching the world go by. I always have my journal on me, and I usually have a book or a deck of oracle cards on me. Right now I have my Human Design Oracle Deck and the tarot deck that’s been coming everywhere with me too. And obviously, I have my laptop. I love cafe culture so much I rebuilt my life so that I could spend my days writing in coffee shops around the world. How’s that for manifestation???

Anyways, what was I writing about? Oh yeah, this! Sitting at this cafe in a small beach town, watching the families and bikers pass by. Currently watching a very good pair of golden retrievers wait to cross the street. I can tell from what I’m seeing and feeling that there’s a lot of visitors here, people looking around with curiosity. I can also tell that the folks who feel like locals are very relaxed. The speed of this tiny beach town is pretty mellow. With the mountains watching over the town and the beach three blocks away, this is quite an oasis. (I should do tourism board writing…)

I have also met so many wonderful people doing this! Random meetings that have led to wonderful connections throughout my life. Suggestions of places to visit and explore. And sometimes deeply meaningful interactions, though the other person might not even realize it. You never know what could reveal itself to you if you sit quietly and listen.

3. Venture off the beaten path.

Do you regularly go to the touristy spots in your local city? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Some things are fun and worth visiting on your travels, but a lot of the time they will be highly catered and busy busy busy. There are many ways to avoid or explore beyond these hubs of activity and find places you didn’t know existed.

The key is to wander. Wandering allows a place to reveal itself to you, slowly, and truthfully. Ask the restaurant owner for their favorite spots to go, or ask the barista what’s one thing you can’t miss while you’re there. And hope you get a good answer.

Be brave enough to go where your curiosity peaks, where your intuition quietly whispers at you to explore. You never know what you might find.

Final Thoughts

This kind of slow travel is an energy, a vibe, a mentality, more than anything else. Check out my other posts about slow travel if you’re liking the sound of it.

I will always choose this way of visiting new places, of integrating into the flow and energy of wherever I am, instead of coasting on top of the culture I’m experiencing. It’s far more interesting that way.

What do you do to experience the vibe of a place? Any non-touristy traveler tips I forgot to add?

Happy traveling!

Love,

Julia Mae

Which of these makes your heart squeeze more?

Which of these makes your body relax?

Which of these gives you the excited tingles?

Which one makes you want to buy a plane ticket, now?

Which of these feels more like home to your soul?

I know my answer to this one…

I’ve lived in LA for a year and a half. Right now I’m preparing myself to take off and travel for an indefinite amount of time and live my digital nomad era. I always knew LA was a temporary place for me. It’s not my aesthetic. I could never truly feel at home here because my soul didn’t fit into the color palette.

Half of traveling is about how you feel in each place. Some of us are beach people, some are mountains. Some people prefer warm, dry environments, while others prefer lush, wet environments. Sometimes we crave a specific aesthetic to satisfy a travel craving.

So yes, I will travel places to see the sites… but I go more for the vibes. Paris? Didn’t vibe with the vibe. But I loved the energy in London. I’d rather drive north to visit Seattle than drive south to visit San Diego. Very different energies.

buy me a matcha

I feel like me over-explaining this defeats the whole point of the vibes centered conversation here… so I’ll finish with this:

Look up “[destination] aesthetic” on Pinterest then tune in while you scroll.

Does your heart squeeze a bit?

Does your breath deepen?

Do you get a rush of excitement?

That means your vibe vibes with that vibe. Super scientific, I know. But it has never failed me.

Tell me which aesthetic speaks to your soul in the comments. Let me know which mood board to make next!

Love,

Julia Mae

First of all… BOOOO!

It SUCKS to finally arrive on vacation, so excited to explore, then waking up with a sore throat and spending the next two days exploring nothing but your hotel bed. It’s worse when you’re budget traveling and end up sleeping in a hostel, ill and wanting nothing more than to be curled up somewhere more comfy and quiet. Speaking from experience…

I’ve gotten sick A LOT while traveling. My first time in London, I spent my entire third day in my hostel bed trying to rest my way out of a mean cold so I could get back out there to explore the city and spend all my money seeing West End shows. I blame the flight over (pictured above.) It was SO cold.

Since I was a kid, I’ve always gotten sick easily, so I’ve also learned oh so many ways to support my immune system and body, to avoid the sore throat that turns into 3 days in bed with a fever and chills. I know, very dramatic, but that’s the way my immune system has always been.

So, we’re going to talk about what’s really happening when we get sick while traveling, how you can take care of your body to avoid getting sick in the first place, and what to do when you first feel that tickle of unease.

Why am I getting sick?

Now listen, I am no doctor, and there are easily a bajillion reasons one might get sick while traveling. But walk with me down this road of thought for a moment:

Traveling to new places is dis-regulating and discombobulating to our nervous systems: the change in elevation if you fly, being in a completely new place that is unfamiliar (aka dangerous) to our internal safety systems, and exposing you to strains of bacteria and viruses we’ve never encountered before. But mostly it is pushing you outside of your comfort zone of what you know to be safe and familiar.

If you’ve studied the nervous system, subconscious programming, or growing past limiting beliefs, you know that we have safety mechanisms that were established through our childhood experiences that still “serve” us today. One of my main safety mechanisms that comes up is getting sick. When things were hard as a kid, my body knew that when I was sick, it meant staying home at mom’s and being fed soup on the couch. These systems are subconscious, so it makes sense that when things are hard as an adult, when I’m reaching new bounds and experiences in life that my subconscious detects as unfamiliar or unsafe, my body jumps into action to protect me.

Sick = Safe.

Now of course, this is not going to be the same for everyone. Some people might just simply pick up a cold when traveling. But if you’re noticing a pattern of sickness when you travel, it might be a good idea to look a little deeper into why.

So what do we do about it?

I don’t want to be sick on vacation! And I know you don’t either otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading this (hi!)

Later in this article, I have lists of things you can do and take to support your body and immune system. But let’s first start with this whole idea of inner safety.

buy me a coffee!

The best thing you can do for your health while traveling is to slow down.

Even if you aren’t like me, (getting sick as a safety mechanism,) when your body functions at a high intensity, say like running around a new city anxious to get to all the places you want to see, it’s going to have to recover from that by seeking the contrast to that high intensity movement. This is, of course, where sleep comes in. Sleep is probably the most important thing you could possibly do to stay healthy while on the go.

But we want to find moments in the day to slow down to allow your nervous system to catch up, recuperate, and relax into a sense of internal safety.

What does that mean?

Let’s look at an example: you are walking briskly through the train station somewhere in Germany, your heart is pumping, and your body is buzzing. Suddenly you realize how hurriedly you are moving, even thought you’re in no rush to get to your train. You recognize the strain your body is under and decide to consciously relax as you continue moving. You slow your walking, relax your shoulders, open your chest and look up from the ground. Your breath realizes this shift and big sigh of relief moves through you. Your body has recognized that there is no immediate danger, whereas when you are hustling, your monkey mind and ancient nervous system don’t know that you’re walking through a station, not running from a bear. So now you are walking calmly instead of rushing, and feel more present to the train station around you. The buzzing that filled your head is quieter now, and you can see more clearly because of it.

These moments, the quiet, small moments of shifting out of the harried angsty energy and into the calm, centered energy can make or break your sense of wellness while traveling.

This is why the first and most important thing you need to stay healthy on your next trip is awareness. To catch those moments, and slow the heck down.

What if I do start to feel sick?

This is where our rest, food, and supplements come in!

Number one is sleep.

SLEEP.

If you do anything to stay healthy, you must get as much sleep as your body needs. Our bodies repair themselves, rest, heal, and power up during sleep. It was actually jet lag that taught me my body craves 10 hours of sleep most of the time. Plan your days around getting enough rest and the adventures you go on will be more energized, vibrant, and joyful.

Next let’s talk about food.

Food is the original medicine, and you can use it to maintain your health while traveling. When you eat lots of fresh things that just came out of the ground, they are going to pass on that life and vitality and earth energy straight to you! This is why visiting local farmers markets or shops and buying local produce is one of the best things you can do to support your body.

Fruits and veggies will always give your body the nutrients, vitamins, and energy it needs to thrive. It is even better when its fresh and local. Grabbing some fruit from the stand down the street as your snacks for the day is monumental! Plus you get a taste of local life.

Supplements and health aids that I SWEAR by.

• Electrolytes. I do this daily when I travel. Ideally something with low sugar, since sugar shuts down your immune system. I like Ultima Replenisher for powder packets, but when I’m traveling I will buy whatever looks the best.

• Vitamin C. EmergenC to the rescue! The best ones I every found were in a train station market in Germany (yes the same one that inspired the story above.) One was elderberry flavored and the other was honey flavored and I drank them like they were candy. I would create a combo in my water bottle of electrolytes, vitamin c, and my Immunity Mushroom mix that I paid way too much for in London.

• Immune boosting supplements. There are so many. Like SO MANY. But here’s a basic list of what will always support your wellness:

  • Elderberry

  • Oregano Oil

  • Garlic

  • Zinc

  • Ginger

  • Vitamin C

  • Mushrooms like Reishi, Turkey Tail, or Lion’s Main

  • There are also an abundance of all in one supplements that have all these things and more in one pill. Wellness Formula from Source Naturals is the one I see the most often.

And finally, water.

Stay hydrated stay hydrated stay hydrated. And no, coffee doesn’t count. Believe me, I wish it did!

People say to drink half your body weight in ounces each day. I honestly don’t know if I do that. I just keep my water bottle full and watch the color of my pee… tmi?

Again, NOT a doctor. But I have a super scientific suggestion for drinking more water:

Get a really pretty and functional water bottle that makes you feel excited to use. The most foolproof way to stay consistent is aesthetic, vibes. Pretty water bottle? It’s gonna be in my hands a lot more. And therefore, I’ll be sipping!

Final thoughts.

Can we stop ourselves from ever getting sick?

If you find a way, please let me know.

I do know this: our bodies are smarter than we give them credit for. Every ache, every illness, every sensation is trying to tell us something. We must listen.

That’s all I have for you today, traveler.

If it was helpful, please share!

Let me know in the comments if there’s anything you do that I missed!

I’m always looking for more ways to stay healthy while on adventures.

Happy traveling!

Love,

Julia Mae

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Dear Traveler,

I call you Traveler, whether or not you traverse the world because something in you aches to find more. That’s why you’re here.

You are choosing to walk a road towards expansion and satisfaction, and to that I say cheers, my friend.

We have long lived with this ache to discover everything the world has to offer, and all that we have to give in exchange. To dig deep. To find more. To rest in the unknown and chase our desires with fierceness and trust.

I write to you because we are similar in this way. Because when the world feels like it’s in absolute chaos, this is where I come to make sense of it. This is where I find the threads of meaning through it all. I invite you to be here with me.

I offer everything I’ve learned, free of charge. I offer my worries and my pain, and the ways I’m learning to work through them. I offer poetry to soothe the soul and action steps to help blaze the trail.

But what matters most to me is knowing that I’m not alone in any of this — and neither are you.

Subscribe!

A free subscription gives you everything. I don’t gatekeep.
A paid subscription helps support the work and keeps this dream alive.
Either way, I’m just really glad you’re here.

I’ll see you on the road.

Love,
Julia Mae

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I had a day of such magnificent ease and fulfillment, and ended the day in this absolutely magical place of abundance that still feels like a miracle. And it couldn’t be clearer that the Universe is speaking directly to me. LITERALLY.

Okay let me take you back so this will actually make sense.

…

I started my day with the decision to tune in, listen to my intuition and creative nudges, and follow in surrender, trust, and joy. Which brought me to Malibu for a beach day!

I had a lovely day exploring shops, meeting cool people like Eamon, the artist of this gallery in Malibu who’s art made me chuckle, pause, sigh, laugh, and breathe more deeply than I was when I walked in. I found this perfect, almost private beach spot and ate snacks and read my monster of a book and relaxed.

By the time I got to watching the sunset from the Malibu pier, I was so freakin relaxed and mellow, that I had no further agenda in mind, just a Knowing that my day was not over and a deep desire for French fries.

Now I’m purely following my intuition, driving with no end goal in mind, just vaguely aware I wanted fries and maybe some wine. I ended up at a cafe I’ve been to many times before, because I know for a fact they have fantastic fries. But as I was walking in I hear the voice of scarcity popping up in my mind.

“You don’t have a job right now are you really going to go spend money on food when you could just go eat at home? You’ve already been out all day, don’t you think it’s time to reign it back in?” And blah blah blah blah blah.

I paused. I asked my heart to open to the energy of money. Then I asked money, “Can I do this? Is it okay if I go buy French fries and a glass of wine?

And I felt my body relax, and open, and I felt good. So I took that as a yes and walked on in.

It was an immediate no. The place was packed and loud and chaotic and absolutely not matching my post beach relaxed vibes… so I left. I started walking, now pretty sure I’d made a mistake in coming here and that I should probably just go home. I considered heading up to this restaurant I’ve seen a dozen times but have never ventured into, and once again heard my scarcity telling me, “I don’t know, maybe it’s better if I just go home, save some money, go to bed early…” I heard that voice. The voice of scarcity. And I walked right in the direction it told me not to go.

So I’m at this restaurant, deciding I want to just sit at one of the high tops with a view and drink a glass of wine and that’s it, that’s all I’m asking for.

“There’s no room” Says the woman at the host stand, looking at me without an ounce of budge in her.

So… I take a moment for myself to regroup and figure out my next step. And I give up, I decide to go, and I’m turning to leave when I hear a voice:

“Have you been helped yet?”

One of the waiters, Makai, I later learn.

“Kind of… I really just want to sit at one of those high tops and have a glass of wine. But there’s no space.”

He looks at the tables, then looks back at me and says:

“Then we’ll make space.”

For the first time that night, I decide to just allow the good in, to say thank you, and to receive the gift he just offered.

He asks me if I drink, which I do, and says “I have a surprise for you” before disappearing and returning with a glass of champagne with a red rose petal on top.

My scarcity pops up, this is a gift right? Like he’s not going to expect you to pay for this right? Moment number two of deciding to just receive the good.

I sip my champagne. It’s delicious. And I wait.

On one of his many trips back and forth as he’s, you know, doing his job, he pauses for a moment, and tells me, “I want you to know, you’re VIP tonight. I’m going to take care of you.”

…!

Now I know what you’re probably thinking, HE’S HITTING ON HER.

Believe me I kept waiting for that to be true. I have been in plenty of situations like that recently, and I can usually detect that vibe right away. So that voice in my head kept waiting for it, kept waiting for the catch. But then I decided, what if there is no catch? What if I just get to receive all this good?

So I did.

He seats me in the PERFECT spot, private enough that I can do my journaling and oracle card pull, which is how I usually end days like these. This man proceeds to bring me ANOTHER glass of bubbly wine, though this time its “the good stuff.”

I place my order, one margarita pizza please!

And then this angel of a human being just absolutely spoils me.

“I have three surprises for you tonight.” He says with joy in his voice.

And throughout the night he brings me a free dessert, and a half shot of tequila - “I only brought you a half shot because I assume you have to drive” - until I’m stuffed and boozy and absolutely bathing in the shower of goodness, and writing in my journal about the magic of the universe.

I’m in the middle of reading this paragraph of the Sacred Rebels Oracle Deck card I’d just pulled -

“This oracle also brings a message to you about the perfect synchronicities that are taking place in your life. You may have started to notice these already. When we live from the heart, honor our creative centre and choose unlikely but lovingly rebellious ways to be in the world, we will begin to notice synchronicity every day. It is as though the universe is speaking directly to us intimately on all matters - which of course, it is.” - Alana Fairchild, The Sacred Rebels Oracle Deck

- when he comes over and asks me if I’m ready for my final surprise.

“I’m so full, I don’t think I even have space for another surprise.”

“Well this one isn’t tangible, so you’ll have space.” He says, with a gleam and a very satisfied smile.

This is about to be so expensive, is he really going to keep dumping things on you, what are you thinking? You don’t have the money for this???

Deep breath. What if I just get to receive the good?

“Okay, I’m ready.” I say.

He looks at me and says, “There’s no bill. I’ve got you covered.”

The catch! Where’s the catch!? The voice in my head says.

And this time, I answer it.

There doesn’t need to be one. You’re allowed to just receive and have faith in the generosity of others.

Is it really that easy?

It gets to be, if you allow it.

I walked directly into where my scarcity told me not to go, and I found the utmost abundance.

I spent the rest of the evening on the beach, sobering up and basking in the magic and wonder and blessings before driving home. This kind man, this angel, sent to show me what it means to receive without expectations, without transaction, who spoiled me rotten and sent me off with a smile and a light “see you next time!” This human gave me all the confirmation I needed to know this for sure:

The Universe wants to shower you in goodness. Life wants to make love to you like a star crossed lover with nothing to lose. And when you worship life like a lover worships sugar dusted skin, licking up every last shimmer, humming with delight, life will light up and lick you right back.

What if I allow myself to live in this truth all the time?

This truth does not have an expiration date or limit at which it stops pouring love into you.

Start loving on life and watch lovers appear like wildfires in your reality.

I am not in the business of feeding into the illusions put into place to keep us small. You tell me to be responsible, I tell you to be willing. You tell me to be smart, I tell you to be kind. You tell me to be realistic, I tell you to fuck off to the mountains for a month then tell me what “real” is.

Sometimes I look at the grand paradox we live in and just wonder what are we doing? Like the art I saw today said, “what the actual fuck?”

But what you focus on grows, so I’m choosing to find new ground, new soil to begin growing and building and creating the world I see in my mind.

Fuck absolutely everything else, I’m following my heart.

Or rather, you clear the path for something wonderful to flow through.

I don’t know exactly what wants to flow through right now. Only that I feel this swelling in my body, like I’m full of swirling, slightly shimmering and fluorescent energy and it wants somewhere to go. It is begging to be poured into something.

If you aren’t in the practice of pouring it is disorienting. It builds and it swells and it nags until finally you let it out and it gushes almost uncontrollably through whatever medium you’re letting it out into.

But what if it was allowed to drip? To dribble? To gently pour here and there, some in the morning, some at night. Some at 3 am when the flow turns to a gush or 3pm when the light hits the tree outside your kitchen window just right.

I find that when I’m in a state of flow, this trickle comes easy. Creativity and I are in easy communion. I am listening. I am quiet enough in my own mind, in my own life that I can hear. And I am humble enough to follow.

Take tonight for instance. I was washing my hands to start cooking dinner when the first line of this piece came to me.

I always know its the first line of a piece because it comes through clear, as if a voice said it in my mind. Then it repeats. And repeats. And each repeat gets more insistent. Like there’s more waiting to come through but it can’t yet because I haven’t removed the things blocking the pipe.

So the first line bulges against the spout of my creativity and begs to be set free.

Starting the piece is the hardest part. And sometimes the first couple sentences or paragraphs are a bit gunky, not quite clear of the blockage yet.

But things eventually start to flow. They always start to flow.

Funny - the moment I wrote that sentence, my flow stopped. As if it was shy.

The next sentence came out only halfway then cut off abruptly and tried to rewrite itself.

Who knew creativity could get stage fright?

Okay creativity, I won’t try to claim you in any flow state or lack thereof. I love you. Please come back?

So now I’ve written something… Who knows if its any good, or if I wrote about anything in particular. But at least I wrote.

I’m going to go make dinner now.

And the winter inside me

Unfurled it’s tight hold and

Bloomed in a brilliant spring

December’s hold was lengthy and dark

Dragging January, February, and March

With it in cold, clammy hands.

November tried to wrestle me out of it’s grip

But its reach was not long enough.

I have no desire to hate winter but

I wish it would be a kinder host

To those of us who struggle

In the darker days of the year

I feel a bit silly, living where the
sun shines constantly

And still feeling tied up by the darkness.

Like I don’t deserve to complain -

Compounding the suffering

I’m already fending off with

Half a chopsticks length of willpower

March was kind.

March took me in its thawing embrace

Not yet warm

But warmer than I’d been.

March was patient.

Loosened Decembers fingers one by one

Letting January and February take turns stroking my cheek

Before taking my hands

And walking slowly but surely

Away from that dark.

Before I knew it, there was April

Waiting with a smile

And March kissed my temple

And let me go

Sending me with a whiff of

Night blooming jasmine

Into April’s waiting arms

Ah, April.

Hello Sweetheart.

I sit down at my computer to try and make sense of the world and the part I play in it and wonder how I could possibly deserve to sit here in the comfort of my home and write poetry.

How dare I be born into this world when others were born into that one.

And how dare those be the same worlds.

People were asking me about the LA protests.

"Are you safe there?" "Is it terrible?"

Yes I am safe.

No it's not terrible.

In fact I think it would be more terrible if I weren't in the city to see how normal and peaceful it all is. It would be terrible if I didn't know that everything on the news is a propagandized lie to stir up chaos and confusion in the world.

But here my neighbors function as normal. I still go to work each day and ring up groceries for every day people. I still go to bed each night wondering if theres something more important I should be doing with my life.

I still scroll endlessly on social media wondering how the hell I fit into all this.

Its all normal, unfortunately. All of it.

How dare this shit show be normal.

What an asshole.

I wish I had some special way to finish this verbal vomit that makes it all better. But I don't

Finishing my poems lately has been near impossible.

I just take a deep breath and hope that sometime, somewhere, poetry will sear the world enough to make it all make sense.